everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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