it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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