omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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