so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize