I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
