Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm passing your future prison.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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