Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
