Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
