You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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