carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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