Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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