I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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