dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
