that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
