I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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