when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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