drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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