Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
