I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
