I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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