I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
