The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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