I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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