Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize