I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
