I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
