I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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