he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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