Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
