Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
