You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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