2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
