I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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