I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
