She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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