Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize