How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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