youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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