He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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