You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All the doctor said was why
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize