He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize