okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
