Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's shark week go big or go home
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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