it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
