Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
