please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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