If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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