Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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