i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
