I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
