i think my tv is drunk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Boobs speak an international language.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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