Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
