I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
