Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
