If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
