I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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