im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
