oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
