i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
