Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
