i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
there is glitter all over my balls
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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