:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
