She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
