Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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