dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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