Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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