If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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