Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
