This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Two words: nipple clamps
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