i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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