Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
