no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
