yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
