i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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